Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
