those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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