I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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