Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
