The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
