Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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