i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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