But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
