Are we in a gay sports bar?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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