Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
