OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
