all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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