tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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