im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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