One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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