I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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