we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
