We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
