I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
