I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
