3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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