Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
