I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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