I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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