so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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