It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
