if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
