If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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