Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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