cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
