Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
