i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
