HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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