but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
