I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
