The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
