actually, I'm a sock model
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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