Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
