speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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