I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
