i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
