I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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