STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
