im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
