Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
