Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
