I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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