then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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