I'm going to jail i love you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
