Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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