I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
