Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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