my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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