I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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