You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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