My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize