My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
