I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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