My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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