Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
