Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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