how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize