Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
