I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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