I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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