Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize