Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
