i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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