Barsexuality is the new black.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize