I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
