she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize